- now this is where things are starting to get tricky for me...
- my systemic swing trading system 'SPY Gopher', which was opened on last thursday's close at 1046.00, is due to be exited at tomorrow's close, if its money management stop is not hit...the stop is currently around 1019.00...
- all of the volatility over the past few days, especially today is making me nervous...i hate to see a position that is nicely green, move back to breakeven...yesterday's move in the ESZ09 to 1066ish, had the position up 2%, only to see it go to breakeven and then to red this am...
- i am now finding myself wanting to lock in some of the ESZ09 gains even though the systemic model is not due to be closed until 4 pm tomorrow...
- fear is leading me to change my plan...
- though today's rebound from the early morning selling appears bullish, i am afraid that this is just eom, eoq window dressing and the rug will be pulled out from the market tomorrow...i feel this way, even though i am bullish on the ES in the longer term...it seems a bit conflicted, but this is what i am feeling...
- i am long 4 ESZ09, and have put offers out at 1056.50, 1063.50, 1067.50 and 1072.50...the thing is, i am not supposed to be offering anything out until 4 pm thursday when my market orders are released...right now i almost can't help myself...the desire to lock in some gains is very strong....as i am writing this, my offer at 1056.50 has been hit...
- i am being driven by fear, by the need to be safe...
- i am also driven by the need to book some gains and pay my bills...
- good traders might seek to lock in gains...
- but great traders can deal with the uncertainty and let the market or the model tell them when its time to get out...
- sometimes i will give myself credit and say i am a good trader...
- i have never considered myself a great trader...i want to be a great trader...
- great trading will require even more emotional fortitude than i currently have...trading with real money is not an academic exercise...it is full bodied and emotional...i can only handle so much uncertainty...
- so exiting one ESZ09 contract at 1056.50 feels good, because i have booked some gains and have less exposure...however, i did not follow my systemic trading plan for this model, and this feels bad...
- like i said, this is the tricky part...
- at heart, i am a discretionary trader who trades a lot of systemic models...is this in sync? probably not...am i trying to grow? definitely...
- perhaps the next step is to really recognize that i need to generate enough money every month to pay my bills and if i have to lock in some gains on my systemic trading models to accomplish this, then so be it...
- if the emotional uncertainty of an open position is too much for me, then i have to continue to trade even smaller or lock in some gains on systemic trading models that are in the money and are getting close to being exited, until i can build my emotional fortitude back up, and then trade the systemic trading models 100% the way they are supposed to be traded...
- right now, i would say that i trade the systemic trading models the right way about 95% of the time...this is a big improvement from a few years ago, when it was perhaps 70% of the time...
- hmmm, this is a lot of obsessing regarding 5% of my behavior...
***remember this is an illustration of what i am trading and my thinking...my trading plan may change without notice...this is not a recommendation for you or anyone else, to buy or sell this or any other security...trade at your own risk***